Porn and compulsive use: when it's got away from you

Researchers genuinely disagree about whether 'porn addiction' is a formal medical condition, so don't get hung up on the label. What's not in dispute is that compulsive use, feeling unable to stop even when it's hurting you, is real, and the harm to your time, mood and relationships is real. The useful question isn't 'am I an addict', it's 'is this costing me', and if it is, it's worth fixing.

Look at whether it's causing harm: needing more to get the same hit, using it to escape feelings, trying to cut down and not managing, hiding it, losing sleep over it, or it affecting your real-life intimacy or relationship. If a few of those ring true, it's worth dealing with, and you can talk about it with a GP or MensLine (1300 78 99 78) without judgement.

For some men, heavy use is tangled up with finding it harder to get going with a real partner than with a screen. It's common, it's usually reversible, and it ties into the bigger picture of stress, anxiety and confidence. A GP can help, and it's worth a look at the erections and libido topic too.

Willpower at midnight is weak, friction is strong. Put a content blocker on your devices with someone else holding the password, charge your phone out of the bedroom, and notice the trigger feeling underneath (stressed, bored, lonely). Then deal with what it's covering for, a psychologist or a free SMART Recovery group helps. Replace the slot it filled, don't just leave it empty.

Start with your GP (ask about a Mental Health Care Plan) or MensLine on 1300 78 99 78, free, anonymous and 24/7. SMART Recovery Australia runs free groups for any compulsive behaviour, no labels or religion. If it's hurting a relationship, Relationships Australia (1300 364 277) can help you both.