You've decided to separate. Now what?
Deciding is one thing — the avalanche of practical stuff that follows is another, and it lands when you've got the least headspace for it. This is a plain checklist to work through at your own pace: the first stretch, the money, separating under the one roof, where to get real advice, and looking after yourself while you do it. You don't have to do it all today, or in order.
This is a general starting checklist, not legal or financial advice — everyone's situation is different. The free services on it (Legal Aid, financial counsellors, the Family Relationship Advice Line) give you advice for yours.
“Share my progress” makes a link showing what you've ticked — hand it to your ex or someone helping, and you can split the list between you.
This first stretch — just steady the ship
You don't have to sort the whole future this week. Just get through it calmly and safely.
Your money & accounts
Not about being aggressive — just untangling, and not making a rushed move you can't undo.
Separating under the one roof
Living apart while still in the same house is its own beast — and it's recognised, not a grey area.
Get the right advice (mostly free to start)
An hour with the right person now kills a lot of 3am panic and stops small mistakes getting expensive.
Look after your head
The months around a separation are a genuinely high-risk time for blokes. Treat yourself like you would a mate going through it.
Doing this with your ex?
Sorting all this out is twice as hard when talking face to face is the last thing either of you wants. We're weighing up a version where you and your ex (or co-parent) could both tick things off and stay in sync — without the awkward back-and-forth. Would that help?
The months around a separation are a high-risk time for men.
Treat yourself the way you'd treat a mate going through it. Free, any hour: MensLine 1300 78 99 78 and Lifeline 13 11 14. There's more help here.
A note on your will
Worth knowing when you separate: in Australia, separating doesn't automatically update or cancel your existing will in most states (and later, divorce can partly revoke it) — so if your will still leaves everything to your ex, that may still stand. Redoing it is worth doing now.
You don't legally need a lawyer — a will just has to be in writing, signed by you and witnessed by two independent adults who aren't beneficiaries. But a homemade one that's worded or witnessed wrong can be invalid or contested, which lands on the people you leave behind. So rather than a DIY template, the safer move is cheap-and-proper:
- Your state or territory's Public Trustee often does a simple will free or low-cost.
- A solicitor for a straightforward will is usually a few hundred dollars — money well spent if there are kids, property or super.
- Sort your super beneficiary nomination separately — super often isn't covered by your will.
(We don't hand out will templates — the rules differ by state and a botched DIY will causes real harm. Better to get it done properly, cheaply, once.)
Where to get help
- MensLine Australia — 1300 78 99 78. Free, 24/7 — counsellors who talk separating blokes through this every day.
- Relationships Australia — 1300 364 277. Counselling and separation support, income-based fees.
- Family Relationship Advice Line — 1800 050 321. Free government line for parenting arrangements and mediation.
- Legal Aid (your state/territory) — free or low-cost first legal advice.
- National Debt Helpline — 1800 007 007. Free financial counselling for the money side.
For the emotional side of all this, read Marriage, separation & divorce and A way through.