How to handle shame — when it's got hold of you
What to do when the 'you're not good enough' voice takes over.
That sinking 'I'm a failure / a fraud / not enough' has taken over.
— Right now
- Name it: 'this is shame, not fact.' It's a feeling, and feelings pass.
- Get out of your head and into your body — walk, cold water, move.
- Talk to yourself like you would a mate. You'd never say this stuff to him.
— Don't
- Don't isolate — shame grows in the dark and shrinks when it's spoken.
— Later
- Say the thing out loud to one safe person. That's the move that drains it.
That sinking 'I'm a failure / a fraud / not enough' has taken over.
— Right now
- Name it: 'this is shame, not fact.' It's a feeling, and feelings pass.
- Get out of your head and into your body — walk, cold water, move.
- Talk to yourself like you would a mate. You'd never say this stuff to him.
— Don't
- Don't isolate — shame grows in the dark and shrinks when it's spoken.
— Later
- Say the thing out loud to one safe person. That's the move that drains it.
Shame: the short version
- 1.Name it: 'this is shame, not fact.'
- 2.Guilt = 'did bad' (fixable). Shame = 'am bad' (the lie).
- 3.Shame grows in the dark. Say it to one person.
- 4.Don't hide it — the secret costs more than the truth.
- 5.Talk to yourself like you would a mate.
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