When it all hits at once

Heads up before you read on

This this articletalks about some heavy themes. It's honest, but it might be heavy going if you're having a rough day. If you'd rather talk to someone first: Lifeline 13 11 14 or more options.

Questions blokes ask

Why does it feel like everything is falling apart at once?

Sometimes it genuinely is, the job, the relationship and your health can pile on together, and it's brutal because those are the things that tell you who you are. When several anchors go at once there's nothing holding you steady, which is a frightening, unmoored feeling. It does not mean you're broken, and it is survivable, blokes come through exactly this. If it's all too much right now, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

How do I cope when everything is going wrong at the same time?

Two rules: safety first, and one thing at a time. You can't fix it all at once and trying to is part of what's crushing you. Tonight is just for getting through tonight, safely and not alone, ring someone. Then pick the single most urgent thing (usually "talk to someone" or "see the GP") and ignore the rest for now. You eat the elephant one bite at a time.

Should I make big decisions when everything's gone wrong?

Try not to. Big, irreversible calls made in the worst week of your life are rarely the right ones, and the pressure to "do something" can push you into permanent decisions over temporary pain. Get yourself steady first, with help, then deal with the practical stuff from firmer ground. The other problems aren't going anywhere.

Where do I even start when it's all too much?

Start with one person and one professional. Call a mate or MensLine (1300 78 99 78) so you're not alone with it, then see your GP, who can look at the whole picture, your head and your health, and pull it into one plan with a Mental Health Care Plan. One person helping you triage takes enormous weight off. If you're not safe, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 000.