Watching a parent fade: men and dementia

Heads up before you read on

This article talks about some heavy themes. It's honest, but it might be heavy going if you're having a rough day. If you'd rather talk to someone first: Lifeline 13 11 14 or more options.

Questions blokes ask

Why do I feel grief when my parent with dementia is still alive?

It's called anticipatory grief, and it's completely real — you're mourning the person in pieces, every time another part of them goes. Because they haven't died, blokes often feel they've got no right to it. You absolutely do. Naming it as grief, and getting support for it, helps you carry it.

Is it normal to feel resentful or angry caring for a parent with dementia?

Yes, and it doesn't make you a bad son. Caring for a declining parent — often while raising your own kids and working — is relentless and sad, and resentment, anger and guilt are normal responses to running on empty. The answer isn't to grit harder; it's to share the load and get real support (Carer Gateway 1800 422 737, respite). Burning out helps no one.

Where do carers of someone with dementia get help in Australia?

The National Dementia Helpline (1800 100 500, free, 24/7) for advice on the disease and what's coming; Carer Gateway (1800 422 737) for practical carer support, respite and counselling. Respite isn't a cop-out — it's how carers go the distance. For your own head, a GP and a Mental Health Care Plan get you a psychologist.